you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize