Well douche your snatch and let's go!
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
