I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
