I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Randomize
