can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
