my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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