my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
