The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
