ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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