He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
