The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
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