So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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