We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
