apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
