Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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