Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
