wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
