I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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