pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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