How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
