I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
