he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
