that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
