and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
NoShamevember. You game?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
