new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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