After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
