omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
