Who did Billy Mays play for?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
