k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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