Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize