We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You're breaking my sexual little heart
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
