One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
