Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize