I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
What a dumb baby whore.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Randomize