either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
