Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
