Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
