Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
