I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
