Me. At least after what I've been through.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
