You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
