My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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