there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
