i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Man, jail baloney is awful.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
