Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Randomize
