just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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