Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
