I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
where am i from again
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
