So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
