Can Purell be used as lube?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
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