Are we in a gay sports bar?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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