an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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