the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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