Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You dont lie about slip and slides
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
