you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
