dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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