it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
