so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
