just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
