the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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