I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
