The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
