i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
