I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
My cat gives me a boner
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Randomize