Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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