i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
