If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize