Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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