Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
