I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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