omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
